Double Bind Tool

If you have ever struggled with addiction, you know that there is a part of the process where you cannot think clearly at all. That a haze some over you. That haze is the practical effect of the survival systems of your brain taking over and driving you towards what your brain has learned is the solution (medication) for your problem: acting out. So you return to your sin, having been only half able to think the whole way. How do we combat this lack of clarity? 

The double bind is a tool that allows men to think through the haze, as well as set up plans for life that create long-term, ongoing change. The tool is essentially a list of questions that parse out the benefits and losses involved in the changes required to heal from addiction. Everything from acting out to changing our morning routine can be put through the questions to see if we understand exactly what we will gain or lose in the process. 

The double bind may seem like an overly simple list, but it’s a very dynamic tool for thinking. If you struggling thinking of when you will use it, check out these tips to get the most out of the double bind. 

1. Learn the double bind by heart: Addiction recovery is a lifestyle change. We are taking our whole selves captive to Christ, and submitting requires that the tools be at our fingertips. The double bind is great on paper, but if we can think through it in an instant and get a picture of the natural consequences (good and bad) that come along with a decision we are trying to make in real-time, we protect ourselves from reactive living and shut down our addictive behavior early. 
2. Write down the good and the bad: As a Christian, I recognize that I have a tendency towards praise and “saying the right thing”. What I mean is, it is generally understood that when doing a Bible study or answering questions about spirituality, I am “supposed” to honor God in my response and give the correct answer (like, “Jesus, obviously”). Unfortunately, this tone in our church settings can lead to an indwelt state of denial, where we constantly try to talk ourselves into goodness by concentrating only on the positive side. With the double bind, we need to be able to admit that healing recovery takes away things that we don’t always want to give up. If we are not honest about that, we will end up speaking out of both sides of our mouths. We will say, “I want to heal” and keep acting out. We will say, “I know that getting on chat lines is bad for me and that God can fill me” but when it comes to it, we respond to that side of our body that says, “I don’t want to give it up!” By expressing the good and the bad of each question, we are able to head the lies of our body off at the pass. We will be totally informed and accepting of the consequences of change. 
3. Make Predecisions: Since addicts have thinking issues, it is best to use the double bind to set ourselves up for success instead of trying to dig ourselves out of a whole. So, do double binds in advance. When you are done with your double bind, it can be tempting to leave it as information instead of commitment, but the addict needs to step into a decisive moment and choose what he is going to do while his mind is still with him. Just doing the double bind is not enough – we must commit to our conclusions. 
4. Don’t worry too much about your responses to each question: Because the double bind is an explorative tool, we can often find ourselves writing down topics, feelings, or thoughts that don’t seem to connect to what we are doing. But this is no mistake! Keep them! They may seem random, but often they are the mind’s way of trying to piece together the narrative of your life. As you observe and ponder those strange responses, you may suddenly realize why they belong exactly where they are, or how they were leading you to another thought that is just as valuable. This is good. Allow yourself to explore your interworking.  
5. Beware always having the same response: Do you find yourself writing down the same thing over and over again? Maybe your responses are especially general and unhelpful in your heart? The double bind is a too that requires us to look inside and find our actual motives, but our survival systems recognize that to be dangerous for our addictive life. So, our body will prevent the clarity. We can slip into a place of denial that recounts the “same old story” over and over. T combat this, simply recognize it and remind yourself that there ARE deeper parts of you. To be clear, I am not saying that our double binds will always be from the depths of our souls. Some will be relatively superficial. Instead, I am saying that we must break the false narrative that our survival system constantly thrusts upon us and think in a deeper, more authentic way. 
6. Write down your commitments: It is hard to express how edifying it is to be able to look back on commitments we have made and kept. As an addict, it can feel like we are constantly a failure, an imposter, or even a tyrant. But the truth is a man who acts our once a week won 6 days out of 7. This is not to excuse our behavior, but to remember that we are all capable of not acting out. We are all conquerors in Christ. For most, they do the right thing more than the wrong! Writing down your commitments is a concrete way to remind yourself of victory. We can praise God for it! 
7. Develop the Discipline: I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a man talk endlessly about how helpful a tool (like the double bind) is and then proceed to never use it again. It is strange that sometimes, having a breakthrough can satiate us enough that we do not return for more of God’s living water through these very tools! Fight this! Our addiction lifestyle change is going to take a very long time and will require regular disciplines to stabilize and organize our healing life. The double bind is no different. Set a time and place for working through a double-bind each week. As you get better at it, it can become a 5-10 minute commitment. You can do it while waiting to pick up your kids from school, after you work out, with your morning devotion, at the lunch table… whatever! Just de sure to do it… regularly.   

To know whether or not you are using the double bind properly, we can ask this simple question,

“Am I increasing my ability to do what I commit to?” 

When Jesus spoke against oaths in His sermon on the mount, he was talking about the practice of putting collateral on a promise. Men would, at that time, take an oath by some possible penalty (“by my head” would imply forfeiting one’s life if the oath was broken) and then use that threat of their own potential destruction to motivate them to do what was right. This is essentially how performance mentality works in addiction recovery. We put the penalty of the loss of our own value on our performance and then suffer under decisions we do not actually want to make. We perform, and it hollows us out. To these Jesus says, 

 ^“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”
Matthew 5:37

The double bind can help us to develop the ability to stand behind our yes or no. To actually want what we say yes or no to. And authenticity has a benefit: peace.