Evil begets evil. One of the most frustrating byproducts of my sexual addiction has been my highly developed desire to lie. I started lying early in my life with small things like whether or not I was responsible for knocking over a lamp (or in my case, breaking a glass coffee table). It began innocent enough, with a desire simply not to get in trouble. But over time I learned that there are massive benefits to the act of lying. Not that it is ever “moral”, but there can be benefits to lying in light of my desires. Those benefits have developed over the years to the point where they feel like a natural part of me (in some sense they are; the flesh is weak and disposed to sin). There’s the sense of control. There’s the desire to be “right”. There’s the victory that comes with seeming smart. There’s the annoyance that comes with someone pointing out my faults… and the list goes on for about a mile.
“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”
John 3:18-21
Over time, I began to love the darkness. I loved the darkness because my works were evil. It provided for me so many benefits. By that logic, I developed sin after sin, as one led into the other. What works in your life are promoting the darkness around you? What evil are you holding to because it provides you a benefit? Is it subtle or prevalent? Are you subconsciously tricking yourself into protecting sexual sin so you won’t have to lose those benefits? My friend, the lies you are living will only lead to shame. It is hurting you. But if you step into honesty and out of hiding, the light of God will show others His goodness through your life. It’s a great trade.