Paths for Family and Friends
DEALING WITH THE HURT:
Are you close to someone who is struggling? One of the hardest challenges to witness in life is when our loved ones actively harm themselves. Sometimes we want to help and don't know how. Sometimes we're too hurt to help. Are you living in this reality? Warfare of Grace can offer personal support, training, and help with planning a response to the struggle. You are not powerless, and there are many steps we can take to offer active support for our loved ones. Don't worry, help is here! This page will offer you some choices on how to proceed, and get you connected with resources that can help.
What Can Warfare of Grace Do?
Warfare of Grace works with men every day who need a solution to sexual sin. Be God's grace, we help men break the bonds of enslavement that are on them. Here's how we start.
Be Anchored.
We are first concerned with you. Are you connected with God? Are you connected with a support community? Are you appropriately resourced? Are you safe? Sexual addiction and the circumstances surrounding it come an many different shapes and sizes, so we would love to listen to your situation and help you find foundation for moving forward. We are committed to your safety and the safety of your loved one. It is a prerequisite for healing.
Create Awareness.
It is easy to feel alone or out of options with addiction presents itself in our lives. By talking with a Warfare of Grace coach, you will be introduced to MANY different resources that can aid you in our journey. Since every journey has special considerations , this is the best way to get a plan that will really work.
Take Action.
Once plans have been made, it's important that you feel confident to follow them through. Addiction recovery is a process of humility and submission, as well as strength and will. Recovery requires us to head in the same direction for a long time, so that real change, not something counterfeit, takes place. Warfare of Grace wants to walk with you through that action plan for however long is necessary, helping you evaluate and make adjustments as you go.
Steps you can take right now.
Want to get off on the right foot? These practices will significantly benefit you right now!
You have to start somewhere and Warfare of Grace believes we should start with scripture. On this page you will find biblical context to begin anchoring you in the healing process as well as answers to questions like:
- How should I respond?
- What makes a healthy support community?
- What do healthy boundaries look like?
- and more.
While there's no substitute for connecting with real, live, loving human beings, we hope that the context will be helpful.
Pray.
In the book "prayer" Richard Foster points out that one of the primary forms of prayer in scripture is what he calls "simple prayer". Simple prayer is the act of getting absolutely everything out before God. To take the time to let every thought flow out until you have no more to say. While this kind of prayer can seem foreign to some, it is an incredibly helpful practice for our soul, impacting our body's ability to calm down, as well as making rational the irrational thoughts that surround things like betrayal, addiction and the pressure we feel from those around us.
For Friends: Determine your level of investment.
Sexual addiction is a long term problem that requires a long term solution. Sometimes the healing comes quick, and other times it comes very slowly. At what level is God calling you to participate? Are you willing to help your friend as an accountability partner? Group leader? Mentor? Or even by doing things like watching his kids, finding resources for his wife or supporting him financially? These are all very good questions, and it's best to have an idea of how far you can go from the beginning. And there's a great reason for it.
Congruence is the idea that we are the same person all the time. That no matter our circumstances, the people who interact with us will be able to understandably predict the kind of responses they will get from us. This is not the same as being "happy" all the time or any particular emotion, but rather being understandable to the person who we are interacting with. They know who they are dealing with. This consistency engenders a sense of trust and solidarity between yourself and your friend that he will begin to rely upon. At this stage,
you can make a healthy choice about how far you can go and make those expectations clear from the outset, so that he does not ever have to feel betrayed by your sudden inability to give him what he has come to expect.
For Family: Determine who you need to get invested.
Addiction recovery looks different for everyone, but there are a few universal realities that everyone must acknowledge. One of them is this: the addict cannot heal alone. Recovery is not done all by oneself as community serves as the foundation for the kind of healing needed! So you, the family of the addict, will be expected to be a part of the healing process (although sometimes that is not possible, and rightly so). As such, we need to ask the question: what about YOUR healing?
The truth is, you have ALSO been hurt in community, and now you will need community to heal as well. If we were to say this in a phrase, we might say: you should not do this alone. Your healing, as well as the healing of the addict, will be significantly aided by allowing other people to participate in the process. Great support people who bring grace, love and truth to bear in your moment of need are going to fill up your soul when it's depleted, surround you with honest interaction and ultimately celebrate when your healing journey hits milestones! In addition, an addict is a categorically abusive type of person. They have constructed a web of lies and expectations that maintain control in their lives. As they break this down, they will need significant external resources to lean on. Determining now who you will get invested in their healing will be critical when addiction structures raise their ugly head. In summary, the time is now to choose who will be invited into your healing, your family's healing and the healing of your loved one. And remember, if this is all very confusing or you don't know what to do, you can give us a call and we'll help you.
Look over our resources page.
We have compiled a page of resources that you are welcome to look over and learn from! You'll find books, Podcasts, YouTube playlists, and bible studies - all for your health and growth. We have found that the pursuit of understanding is one of the best ways to engender a natural healing, and we hope you find that too!