One of my favorite pieces of healing from sexual addiction is the small realizations that present themselves. Over time, we realize that it is these small realities that make or break the deep love we desire to give and receive. It’s in the details that we find the most natural, fulfilling love.
Many men trapped in addiction describe a pressure so great they are going to explode. Their body is wound up, unrelentingly so, to the point where they are regularly conceding strength and acting out. The pressure is seen as a taskmaster. A slavedriver. An abusive, controlling evil coming from within that commands us how to live our lives.
But what is this pressure really?
God has created a beautiful balancing system that works between the body of a man and a woman. A rhythm of love. The man’s body has a sexual pressure in it that drives the man to invest in his wife, which triggers a loving response, ending in an affirming and trust-based sexual encounter. The pressure that has so often been taken over for evil has been designed by God to help us to love our wives. The tension grows, we are reminded of our need for connection, we connect, she responds, and then when the time is right there is a glorious bonding. And it’s really, really good.
So what happens when that gets hijacked? In short, the natural rhythms of love are missed entirely. We:
- Define the pressure as a “bad” thing.
- Feel unloved because our acting out is hollow for true intimacy
- Get out of rhythm, our sexuality feels disjointed.
- Forget the real soul sustaining intimacy that we can have.
- Don’t show love in a natural way. We have to force it.
- Think unclearly, with a short view of life.
- And a million other little frustrations…
And this is how it goes until you reach out for help. As simple as it sounds, I can describe a vast majority of a sexually addicted life as a million little frustrations all building up into something horrible. It’s like your body and your mind are speaking two different languages, especially for a man who believes in God and His goodness. But when we heal from our addiction, those pressures turn into a positive force for our spouses! While the addiction will fall to the side, the purity of the physiology will rise. We will again be able to live in the beautiful pendulum swing that is the natural call and response of love with our wives.
I urge you, if you are walking in sexual addiction, to reach out today and start down a path of healing for you and your family.